Glitter Diaries: Feeling Overwhelmed
I freaked out. I had a major freak out on Sunday evening, and had what must have been some version of a panic attack. My sister had shown up at my place unannounced on Sunday at noon simply because we hadn't spent any time together in weeks, and wanted to have a bit of sisterly bonding time. Now I am going to sound like a brat, but I had specifically said to her earlier last week via text that my plans for the weekend were to hole up in my apartment so that I could hunker down and finish writing the final report cards for my Grade 3 students (which should = NO visitors). I know I should be lucky to have a sister who wants to spend time with me, but for me, she could not have chosen a more stressful and inopportune time to visit.
In years past, I've been known to be up all hours of the night to complete these report cards, but this time around, it was even worse. I was voluntold this year to be part of a committee at my school that plans the annual Play Day. With it being my first year teaching Grade 3, it was also the first time that I experienced having to deal with EQAO standardized testing which was time consuming for not only me, but for my students as well since it meant having to cram 10 months worth of the Grade 3 math curriculum into only 8 months. This period of testing did not end until early June, at which point, there was very little time left to:
1) plan and administer any final assessments that I needed from the students;
2) mark above-mentioned final assessments (multiple assessments x 19 students);
3) compile final marks;
4) compose report comments;
5) input them electronically into the report cards;
6) plan the entire Play Day (which was hours and hours of work);
and on top of all of that
7) I have to pack up my current classroom because I am finally moving out of my portable, that is stationed outside, into a classroom in the school building by September.
The reason why I freaked out? A planned, quiet weekend at home working tirelessly ended up being interrupted by a 6-7 hour time period away from home on Sunday. I won't get into the details as to why I was away for that long, but I will say that it resulted in my report cards not getting done in time for the pre-determined due date, more money being spent than I had planned on spending/needed to spend, and all of it was exacerbated by the fact that I had a million other things to take care of (see list above).
I came home, and just cried. I cried, and screamed into my pillow, and was just so overwhelmed, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't function for the rest of the night.
It was the first time that I've had this happen, and I honestly don't know what came over me, other than the fact that I felt so utterly helpless, drowning in so much work and responsibilities. I was thankfully granted an extension on my report cards, but it's times like Sunday that I wish someone had figured out time travel by now so that I could turn back the clocks in order to give me my Sunday back.
Even with all of this negative energy that I have been harbouring these past few days, I can happily say my consolation is that Play Day has finally come and gone (it was today). Despite the horrible Sunday I had, I truly feel that God was looking down on us since the sun finally graced us with its presence this afternoon after what felt like endless days of dreary skies and depressing rain. The sun, its warmth, and the laughter of the children this afternoon were enough to remind me that we sometimes have to go through adversity, or have lows, so that there can be ups, like the one I had today. I just need to remind myself of this in moments of panic in the future.
Ugh I hate HATE panic attacks or any other "freak-outs" from feeling overwhelmed.
ReplyDeleteWhen I feel stretched too thin, I am constantly anxious and feel like im shaking/bouncing waiting for the next thing to be thrown at me, or I'm SO tired. Like.. my body just zonks out.
At least your play date is done and over with, so you've had the chance to take that off your plate. It's frustrating when friends and family members don't respect your wishes - of course you want to see her, it's just not a good time. Oh well, such is life right? Gotta roll with the punches.