Glitter Diaries: "I love you"
In a previous post, I mentioned that my parents' preferred words of encouragement prior to any of my singing events or performances in general were: "Don't screw up." I have never questioned the "Asian way" and only accepted it as the norm. It wasn't until I began middle school and my circle of friends expanded beyond the Vietnamese, Cambodian and Chinese kids that I grew up with in Ottawa's Chinatown, that I started to notice stark differences between the way my parents and I interacted with each other compared to my Caucasian friends and their parental units. A concept foreign to me was the idea of being "friends" with your parents. Another strange phenomenon that I witnessed was my Caucasian friends speaking to their parents as if they were equals.
When I posted this article to Facebook, some friends gave their input about their own experiences.
What the article explains is that in our culture (Asians), children are raised and educated with negative language (exhibit A: my parents telling me "Don't screw up"). With this being the norm, no wonder we all have a hard time expressing positive emotions.
Exhibit B: It took me a year and a half of officially dating before I allowed my ex to tell me that he loved me, and it was only then that I began to say it back to him. Since that first hurdle, I have become more comfortable with using those three words, not only with my husband, D, but also with friends. With my family however, it remains one of the most awkward situations that I could ever fathom happening.
When I moved away to Hong Kong, and I tearfully admitted to them what was really going on between me and my ex-fiancé over Skype, I broke down. I made the horrible confession that I had very seriously considered taking my own life, more than once, since the ugly truth came out about him and his indiscretions. After that, and my final return flight home to Canada from Hong Kong, I noticed that my relationship with my parents has clearly evolved. My father, a man that I would not speak to for a full two weeks at a time sometimes while living in the same house because of our heated disagreements and red-hot tempers, began to speak to me in a softer manner, most likely because he felt that I was like a ticking time-bomb, fragile and ready at any time to self-destruct. Whatever the real reason for the change in him, though, I do not really care to know, since the most important thing is that it has made all the difference for our relationship, and for the better.
It's been nearly three years since that heartbreaking confession to my parents, and I do think that we now hold on to each other a lot more dearly than we used to. Although we still do not say "I love you", I have begun to hug my parents goodbye before their drives home to Ottawa after visiting me in Toronto. The hugs are still stiff, and sometimes not reciprocated, but I hope they know, in my smallest of gestures, in these hugs, just how many "I love you's" I am trying to say to them.
It's been nearly three years since that heartbreaking confession to my parents, and I do think that we now hold on to each other a lot more dearly than we used to. Although we still do not say "I love you", I have begun to hug my parents goodbye before their drives home to Ottawa after visiting me in Toronto. The hugs are still stiff, and sometimes not reciprocated, but I hope they know, in my smallest of gestures, in these hugs, just how many "I love you's" I am trying to say to them.
Now, to make up for all of that sappy stuff from the last paragraph, please enjoy this video of Asian kids telling their parents "I love you" for the very time, and the hilarious reactions/replies.
I shared this video with my childhood best friends (both Asian), and the one who lives in Calgary, Alberta, said that she thinks if she tried to say "I love you" to her parents, they would just laugh.
I shared this video with my childhood best friends (both Asian), and the one who lives in Calgary, Alberta, said that she thinks if she tried to say "I love you" to her parents, they would just laugh.
I love this post!!My family is pretty affectionate - but I didn't grow up with the Japanese part of my family, so that could be why. My grandfather, who was 100% Japanese, was definitely less affectionate and I don't remember having much one-on-one interaction with him. My parents though - they say I love You ALLLLLLL the time. So interesting to learn about each other's family history. ALSO - I am so glad you did not end your life, because a world without you just wouldnt make any sense.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your support, Kimiko. I do look back now and I am disappointed in myself for letting myself feel so low, and to hold such little value on my life and what I mean to my family. It was a great lesson learned, though, and I do believe that a lot of good has come out of that dark period in my life :)
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